A Site of Beef by Ann-S-Thesia
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10/29/2000 - 11/04/2000
11/05/2000 - 11/11/2000
11/12/2000 - 11/18/2000
11/19/2000 - 11/25/2000
11/26/2000 - 12/02/2000
12/03/2000 - 12/09/2000
12/10/2000 - 12/16/2000
12/17/2000 - 12/23/2000
12/24/2000 - 12/30/2000
12/31/2000 - 01/06/2001
01/07/2001 - 01/13/2001
01/14/2001 - 01/20/2001
01/21/2001 - 01/27/2001
01/28/2001 - 02/03/2001
02/04/2001 - 02/10/2001
02/11/2001 - 02/17/2001
02/18/2001 - 02/24/2001
02/25/2001 - 03/03/2001
03/04/2001 - 03/10/2001
03/11/2001 - 03/17/2001
03/18/2001 - 03/24/2001
03/25/2001 - 03/31/2001
04/01/2001 - 04/07/2001
04/08/2001 - 04/14/2001
04/15/2001 - 04/21/2001
04/22/2001 - 04/28/2001
04/29/2001 - 05/05/2001
05/06/2001 - 05/12/2001
05/13/2001 - 05/19/2001
05/20/2001 - 05/26/2001
05/27/2001 - 06/02/2001
06/03/2001 - 06/09/2001
06/10/2001 - 06/16/2001
06/17/2001 - 06/23/2001
06/24/2001 - 06/30/2001
07/01/2001 - 07/07/2001
07/08/2001 - 07/14/2001
07/15/2001 - 07/21/2001
07/22/2001 - 07/28/2001
07/29/2001 - 08/04/2001
08/05/2001 - 08/11/2001
08/12/2001 - 08/18/2001
08/19/2001 - 08/25/2001
08/26/2001 - 09/01/2001
09/02/2001 - 09/08/2001
09/09/2001 - 09/15/2001
09/16/2001 - 09/22/2001
09/23/2001 - 09/29/2001
09/30/2001 - 10/06/2001
10/14/2001 - 10/20/2001
10/21/2001 - 10/27/2001
10/28/2001 - 11/03/2001
11/04/2001 - 11/10/2001
11/11/2001 - 11/17/2001
11/18/2001 - 11/24/2001
11/25/2001 - 12/01/2001
12/02/2001 - 12/08/2001
12/09/2001 - 12/15/2001
12/16/2001 - 12/22/2001

Saturday, April 14, 2001

So now I've revealed to the world my actual birthdate at Joe's "Ageless" project. I never used to be embarrassed about telling my year of birth, but something changed within me in the past year because I'm almost ~~~forty~~~. Yeegads...Stan turns 40 in exactly a month. It's weird, sending Joe my birthdate was sort of like sending someone my underwear. I know that's a weird analogy.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 10:19 AM || link it email me


Friday, April 13, 2001

I do think I'm developing a weird sort of goth stigmata. It's quite amusing, actually. You know that "Bride of Frankenstein" hair where there's these white streaks in front on the sides? Guess who's getting them on one side? Yup. Moi. Like Dave Vanian's. On the same side too, except mine is 100% natural and I'm 100% sure he dyes his. Ironic. I was madly in l___ (fill in the blank at your own discretion...I don't even care at this point) with Dave, as much as any alt-rock/punk/goth fan could be. Out of curiosity I even did a search just tonight on The Damned. And I must say, after an intense passionate obsession with their music (and with Dave) in the early - mid 80s, I'm a little non-plussed with, well, let's just say the way it all appears now. Yes, The Damned and The Black Album and Machine Gun Ettiquette and even Phantasmagoria were wonderful wonderful albums. But isn't it time to move on guys? Get into films? Write? Something? Anything? Oops...didn't mean to mention my least favorite album there with that single word...the album that was released after I saw them live at The Rainbow (I have great memories from The Rainbow from many other shows) in Denver, March 21, 1986 (geeaahhh...I remember these dates...scary). That night I met Dave and Rat backstage outside, gave them drawings I did for them--a portrait of Dave for Dave and "The Damned as Rats" for Rat, kissed them on the cheek...I was walking on air the following day at work. Stan was actually a bit worried I'd run off with them, and he'd have to go home to an empty house. It was our first rental house we had together that didn't share adjoining walls with anyone else. We'd just planted a bunch of flowers the fall before, and that would be our first spring in that house together. He thought of coming home to this empty house, watching the flowers...the crocuses, the hyacinths, the daffodils, the tulips, come up all alone with no Ann to watch them with. Yup, I'm glad I stayed with him and didn't run off. I'd tell him that now but he's sleeping and has to get up and go to work early this weekend.

But anyway...the hair thing. I'd been pulling out any white hairs I'd find on my head in the past five years or so. Now I see that they've formed their own little segregated ghetto above my forehead in the middle and on my right side. I've goth the makings of Bride of Frankenstein hair. Naturally. I'm not plucking these sprouts...I'm letting them grow out and multiply. And hey, it's real goth stigmata. Wonder how many goth wannabes would give their fangs for this? All I can say is, I did my time in hell and I earned them.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 11:48 PM || link it email me


Remind me if Stan ever has Good Friday off in his schedule rotation again, Stay Home! It was a zoo out there today. Didn't help matters that it was a Friday the Thirteenth. I don't pay attention much to holidays or weekends, so I'm not in tune to which days are "holidays." All I know is what days Stan gets off (a complicated schedule, but he'll get every day off every third week, except for Mondays when he's always at work). And back in Colorado, I swore no one got Good Friday off. But here it's different. No Sir, I don't think I like it.

We had an annual check-up scheduled for Natasha today. I thought it would be a piece of cake, considering our last vet appointment when we brought both dogs and Persephone. That was quite an exhaustive ordeal for everyone involved. Natasha is very easy when it comes to examinations and administering shots. The vet was delayed a little because everything seemed to be going wrong that day for them...perhaps a Friday the Thirteenth curse? Stan always said Friday the Thirteenths are good to us, but I'm not so sure this time. It turns out that Natasha, who weighed in at 6 pounds, 8 ounces a year ago, has dropped down to 5 pounds, 11 ounces. Ouch. The vet said she was dehydrated which could be a symptom of hyperthyroidism or poor kidney function. She felt around Natasha's throat and couldn't find an abnormally large thyroid, her heartbeat sounded normal, but one of her kidneys did seem rather small. We had a lot of blood drawn from her so that we could perhaps get a better diagnosis after they run the tests. They tried to take the blood from her while we were in the room with her, but it just wasn't working. Nushie just didn't want to give up her blood. They had to take her in the back and have several people poke her in different parts of her body so they could get enough blood for the tests. We also had them administer subdermal fluid to rehydrate her. We'll probably know the diagnosis next week some time. Poor little kitty. After Vladimir died, we felt it wouldn't be much longer for her, but she'd been doing so well lately, we thought we had nothing to worry about. There's just some things that are not noticable to owners that vets can pick up on. Although part of me wonders if this is what we get for making a vet appointment on a Friday the Thirteenth, Stan says it was good that we brought her in today...who knows what would have happened if we hadn't caught this condition this soon. I'm just hoping we can help her get back to normal, or at least as normal as can be for a 15 year old cat. We bought some canned Science Diet for her...maybe the moist food will help with the rehydration. Seems like kidney failure is a very common thing with cats. If something else doesn't get them, it's guaranteed kidney failure will. Since it was only one kidney that seemed small, maybe there's still hope.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 3:20 PM || link it email me


Having a hard time remembering dreams lately. I think I've been dreaming them too early in the sleep cycle. The only snippet of my dream last night that I recall is that Stan and I were lying on the bed and he was dialing up some psychic hotline/tarot reading thing. It wasn't one of those cheesey "Miss Cleo" ones that are advertised on TV, this was like a classy one (oxymoron) advertised in some scholarly literary book or something. Heh. When I realized what he did, I got mad at him because it cost money. He said it was already paid for and I asked him how much he spent on it and he said it's a $30-40 subscription rate. I was furious and told him I wouldn't give him anymore of my money until he unsubscribed.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 8:18 AM || link it email me


Thursday, April 12, 2001

I know my dreams were pretty intense and involved last night, but I can only remember, coherently, a small portion of them. One was that I was in the basement of my parent's house and had stored down there several year's worth of Valentine's heart-shaped boxes filled with candy. I had an actual collection going. (IRL I have a collection of heart-shaped boxes, but they're all empty :d would you expect anything else?) They were all layed out in a pattern of sorts on the floor. Also dreamt I was looking at my newt aquarium and there were rats swimming around in it. One of the newts was dead and was lying on the bottom of the aquarium, partly eaten or decomposed.

I have felt incredibly disassociated with the internet and computers lately. I'm using this time while waiting on a couple projects (actually, one just got cancelled as I write...a little relieved, actually) to just do maintenance work, install Norton on my iBook, etc. As I was doing that yesterday, monitoring my iBook as Norton was doing his thing, I decided to turn on the TV and watch a VH1 documentary on "did video kill the radio star?" The irony was while I was in the kitchen fixing some food during the first part of the show when they were showing some videos from the early 80s, I thought they were playing the Devo video, "It's a Wonderful World." It turned out to be an ad for Target...all in orange. I had that sung stuck in my head all day. Still is. The irony of that Devo song (which is ironic itself) being used to promote capitalism! I found most of the show most interesting when they were talking about videos historically, as opposed to showing the over-produced, over-choreographed multi-million dollar videos of today. There was something charming about the first music videos of the early 80s that came mostly from new or more arty acts that created them on incredibly small budgets. They interviewed Laurie Anderson who talked about how wonderful it is when there's a breakthrough in technology that opens up a tiny crack in the window of opportunity for all the creative people to find a new way to express themselves. That's how it was with music video in the early 80s. And a parallel can be drawn to the internet now, with only a home computer and some software, people can make incredibly creative things. But as music video has turned into the overblown Hollywood extravaganzas, so is the internet turning into one big spam machine, or so it seems at times. I like to think about how the interent parallels other movements in culture, whether it's rock and roll (I feel that our current time, after the dot-coma, is like "When the Music Died"...that really dry time of the early 60s and we're all waiting for the British Invasion or something), the industrial revolution (I'm a luddite sympathizer), the invention of the printing press, whatever. I like discussing these things with my friends. Unfortunately, and probably ironically, I cannot discuss these things online. When in the past I have made an online (message board, whatever) comment or reference to something in another part of pop culture or history, it's usually met with no response. I'm beginning to wonder if this concentrated nose-to-the monitor lifestyle is causing people to lose much of their perspective. Timelines are squished. There is so much intensity and neural stimulation happening in the here and now on that flat area of 140 square inches that netizens do not have time to step back and ruminate about the past and our relationship to it. Things that happened 30 years ago could just as well have happened 300 or 3000 years ago, it's just as relevant and (un)important. All that matters is that item up for bid on EBay, or getting that clever domain name before anyone else or the latest "get rich quick" scam or cybersex with strangers in chatrooms or how to create a 468x60 banner ad for the cheapest amount of money possible when you have no design experience.

Is it just me or is this all crazy? I know I personally get a little overzealous in April. And April is a crazy month. Weird things happen in April every year. But this obsession with the materialistic aspects of cyberculture is a downer for me. The same creative window of opporunity that let me in is looking more and more like an emergency exit all the time. I need to find a different door of perception somewhere, a place where people talk about not just now, but then and never and and the future passed and always, often. I need that discourse of the sociological and historical aspects of our contemporary world minus the technological mumbojumbo. It's ironic how so many people use the internet as a refuge from their physical life, how they can connect and make relationships online easier than in real life, how they escape their partners and family for a chance at some little digital utopia. I'm the opposite. I deal with life online for a while during the day in my course of updating my sites, answering email, sifting through email, searching for information, etc., but then escape to "real life" after Stan gets home from work. It's funny....eventually, my lifestyle will be the abnorm, and it will be seen as unhealthy.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 3:03 PM || link it email me


Wednesday, April 11, 2001

Can't remember the dreams too well as they were pretty abstract. I do remember that I was taking a stack of 18x24 drawings out of some room, and there was a bunch of feathers between the pages. The feathers were not whole, but portions and pieces of whole feathers, the consistency of ostrich plumage. I just kept shaking them out of the drawings, making a mess on the floor. Also another part of the dream was that Stan was working on something on the house, but it looked like my parent's house and there was a bunch of snow outside. I was sitting inside of a double decker bus or some weird vehicle outside across the street. There was a strange vehicle parked in front of "our" house...a small yellow utility vehicle that used to belong to "someone we used to know." It had several tags on it from the city, and every once in a while the city would move it around because it was in the way. Then a woman who worked for the city finally moved it to our trash that was at the curb. I cheered because I was glad to see that thing go, and I yelled at Stan from a little window, "Stan, they put it in the trash!" Then Stan had to travel to the San Jose mountain range to pick something up or drop something off. It was late at night and I was afraid we wouldn't get back that same day. Also dreamt that a friend of ours that we hadn't seen in a while was killed by a wild bear or dog or something.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 9:47 AM || link it email me


Tuesday, April 10, 2001

Ever say yes to doing something because you were caught off guard, or you felt guilty for not doing it, or you felt responsible, or you're just a chump, whatever and then after you say yes, you think, "D'oh! What did I get myself into!?" (Don't worry, it's nothing BAD! In fact, it's something most people would think is a good thing...but I'm having second thoughts)

I frequently have dreams that I'm in church and I realize, "Hey, I'm in church. What am I doing here? I'm not a child. I can leave." So I get up and leave. Unfortunately, this isn't that easy. And unfortunately, it isn't only a dream.

Stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!

And if that isn't bad enough, I just found out Tuesday that *I*, the manager of the Screen Dream Web Ring, goofed up on adding *my own site* to the ring, and listed it at www.eyeblog.com/eyebalm/index.shtml. (Don't go there, 'k?) Say it with me, folks, "Ann, you MORON!!!!"

Think future for typographical dyslexics there's a like myself?

How designer Bush for about web President?
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 11:42 PM || link it email me


Amusing dream last night. I was someplace...I don't know where, but there was a young woman there (about 27 or so) who had just bought a record album (12" vinyl LP!). Supposedly she was a friend or an acquaintance, but I think I just invented her for the dream. I asked her what she bought and she said a Sweet album, and then said she's been getting into this retro thing listening to 70s glitter. I tell her I'm doing the same thing, more or less. Stan asks me what songs Sweet did, and I tell him "Ballroom Blitz" and that The Damned covered it (don't you at least remember The Damned's cover, Stan?). He's having a stupid moment, so he tells me to sing it. (IRL this sort of really happened last Friday, except it was hardly British glitter, it was Neil Young's "After The Goldrush"...Stan couldn't remember how it went, so I had to sing it for him, however I think I'd rather sing "Ballroom Blitz.") So this young woman and I and someone else start singing "Ballroom Blitz." Twice. Pretty silly. Also, I dreamt I was in a small red subcompact car with Tim and he was driving. IRL Tim doesn't drive. We were driving somewhere in Milwaukee around Marquette University.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 9:40 AM || link it email me


Sunday, April 08, 2001

This morning, Stan, Tim and I went to Original Pancake House at its new location, where a very delicious Pakistani restaurant used to be on University Avenue near Middleton. Although I love the food at OPH, and I loved the setting and the food of the former Pakistani restaurant, the new setting just didn't suit OPH. They removed the dim lighting and red hues of the former restaurant and replaced it with bright lighting. I do not like bright lighting in a restaurant...much prefer dimness. In its former location on Midvale, the lighting was much dimmer. The combination of the stark bright lighting and the fact it was a Sunday morning made for a rather unpleasant experience. The food was delicious as usual (I had a Palestine crepe drenched in a tropical citrus syrup with a side of mushroom sherry sauce) but there were too many self-righteous types who had nothing better to do than to stare at those of us not dressed up in our Sunday best, if you know what I mean. A Patsy Ramsey look-alike was especially preoccupied with Stan and I while we were in the waiting area. (OHP always has a waiting list on weekends). Baaah. Remind me never ever to go there on a Sunday morning again. Sunday mornings shall be reserved for Gay Brunch at the Shamrock where self-righteous types dare not venture.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 4:47 PM || link it email me


Another part of the dream last night that I forgot to mention before: I was inside my house and I caught a beautiful swallowtail butterfly. Its wings were torn, and I wanted to release it out a window because I knew it was near the end of its life, except none of the windows opened directly to the outside; there were screens on all of them, so it was hard to get rid of the butterly. I can't remember if I opened a door or what happened, but I do think it eventually flew away.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 2:01 PM || link it email me


Intense, bizarre, slightly creepy/scary dream. Stan and I were watching TV late at night and the only thing on seemed to be some stupid Willy Wonka/Mary Poppins movie. We either changed the channel or brought out a video, it wasn't certain which, that was supposedly Nirvana's final performance. It was either that, or it was a Nirvana performance post Kurt Cobain's suicide, however Kurt was in fact in the video, performing. He didn't really look like himself...there was something different about him, he'd gained more weight (he wasn't fat...he was just "average" weight instead of skinny), his hair was darker, styled differently, and his nose was different, almost like mine. However, it was unmistakeably him nonetheless, even if the unmistaking was more of a subconscious thing and not a physical thing per se. He performed a song that I'd never heard before, that I made up for the dream. Naturally, I cannot remember how it went after I woke up. (I do that all the time with music dreams, make up the soundtrack yet forget it when I awake, however I do remember one time in the summer of 1994 I did make up a Nirvana song in my dream and did remember how it went after I woke up, but because I'm not a musician myself, I had no way to write down the melody...it would be like a non-visual artist trying to recreate a painting they painted in their dream). Then there was an intermission and it showed some of the audience. I must say after this I began having my suspicions that everyone in the video was in fact dead, like it was full of zombies. People's skin looked dead, they had bruised areas on their bodies that looked like rotting flesh. It wasn't gross, just ominous. There was one part where the camera scanned past the audience and it showed some guy making love to someone underneath him. Stan and I giggled. Then the next song showed Kurt up close, but I could see tears welling up in his eyes as he performed it. His eyes were not intense blue like they were in real life, but they were black like people's eyes got in the X-Files when they were infected with that weird oily alien virus. Then he said that that song always makes him cry and that he cannot continue to perform it. After the video was over Stan and I flicked around to other channels, but there was still that stupid Willy Wonka/Mary Poppins movie wherever we turned. We started having a discussion about the Nirvana video, and it turned into a discussion with others involved, like we were watching Nightline or something similar and there were a bunch of talking heads discussing it, wondering if it was authentic, and questioning whether in fact that might have been someone else performing in Kurt dead body. I thought this ludicrous because he was cremated, yet nonetheless was freaked out by the video on sort of a supernatural "beyond the grave" sort of way. Then I started thinking that if he was still alive, his hair probably would be different (although I didn't like the way it looked in the dream as much as I liked his hair when he was alive), it would have turned darker (mine and Stan's has), he probably would have put on more weight (hell, I have). Then I remember looking at an album cover (yes, an actual 12" vinyl LP) and it sort of looked like The Doors LA Woman, but it was Nirvana, and Kurt was where Jim Morrison was (you know how Jim got fatter before he died). Then there was another part of the dream afterward where I was on State Street. It wasn't as college studenty as it is in reality, it was more yupscale and elite. I remember being repulsed by it, and taking pictures with my digital camera as a documentation of its repulsiveness.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 9:23 AM || link it email me


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