A Site of Beef by Ann-S-Thesia
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10/29/2000 - 11/04/2000
11/05/2000 - 11/11/2000
11/12/2000 - 11/18/2000
11/19/2000 - 11/25/2000
11/26/2000 - 12/02/2000
12/03/2000 - 12/09/2000
12/10/2000 - 12/16/2000
12/17/2000 - 12/23/2000
12/24/2000 - 12/30/2000
12/31/2000 - 01/06/2001
01/07/2001 - 01/13/2001
01/14/2001 - 01/20/2001
01/21/2001 - 01/27/2001
01/28/2001 - 02/03/2001
02/04/2001 - 02/10/2001
02/11/2001 - 02/17/2001
02/18/2001 - 02/24/2001
02/25/2001 - 03/03/2001
03/04/2001 - 03/10/2001
03/11/2001 - 03/17/2001
03/18/2001 - 03/24/2001
03/25/2001 - 03/31/2001
04/01/2001 - 04/07/2001
04/08/2001 - 04/14/2001
04/15/2001 - 04/21/2001
04/22/2001 - 04/28/2001
04/29/2001 - 05/05/2001
05/06/2001 - 05/12/2001
05/13/2001 - 05/19/2001
05/20/2001 - 05/26/2001
05/27/2001 - 06/02/2001
06/03/2001 - 06/09/2001
06/10/2001 - 06/16/2001
06/17/2001 - 06/23/2001
06/24/2001 - 06/30/2001
07/01/2001 - 07/07/2001
07/08/2001 - 07/14/2001
07/15/2001 - 07/21/2001
07/22/2001 - 07/28/2001
07/29/2001 - 08/04/2001
08/05/2001 - 08/11/2001
08/12/2001 - 08/18/2001
08/19/2001 - 08/25/2001
08/26/2001 - 09/01/2001
09/02/2001 - 09/08/2001
09/09/2001 - 09/15/2001
09/16/2001 - 09/22/2001
09/23/2001 - 09/29/2001
09/30/2001 - 10/06/2001
10/14/2001 - 10/20/2001
10/21/2001 - 10/27/2001
10/28/2001 - 11/03/2001
11/04/2001 - 11/10/2001
11/11/2001 - 11/17/2001
11/18/2001 - 11/24/2001
11/25/2001 - 12/01/2001
12/02/2001 - 12/08/2001
12/09/2001 - 12/15/2001
12/16/2001 - 12/22/2001
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Saturday, June 23, 2001

It's strange how a simple action can cause your entire perception of yourself, your mythology, to unravel and expose a brand new mythology to base yourself on. This just happned to Stan. He found his biological father. On father's day, after months and months of research and consulting with his birth mom, the social worker/liaison that helped find his birth mom, his adoptive mom, and of course, me, he sent off the completed letter to a person that by all accounts we suspected to be his father. He spent many hours searching internet white page directories for the name, and not turning up any matches. He tried searching alumni directories of suspect graduate schools that we suspected he attended...nothing. I happened to run a Google seach on his name (gotta love that Google), and the only thing it brought up was his name listed as a member of a professional scientific organization. And the only way Stan could get information from them was to join them. So for approximately a $100 one-year membership, he was able to get access to members-only information, and got his home address. Fortunately, Stan's eclectic taste in science will not let the periodicals he's receiving go to waste.

We had no other options at that point, as an unusually-spelled last name rather narrowed down our options. If this person that Stan was about to contact was not his father, we'd be back to the drawing board with nothing. I'm sure it was hard for Stan not to feel anxious, but I tried not to get my hopes up. I'm a glass is half-empty kind of person, after all, if you view life pessimistically, you're never disappointed, in fact, when things turn out well, you're always pleasantly surprised. It's better than being let down. The letter was sent, and although I tried to block it out of my mind, I still thought about it. Last night the phone rang about 7:30 pm. Stan was out moving the cars. I suddenly got a twinge of insight as I picked up the phone, and when I immediately heard it was a long distance call, I knew exactly what it was about. I told Stan there was a long distance phone call, trying to keep a somber face, just in case it was long distance for another reason...CSU alumni people soliciting donations or something.

They spoke for about three hours.

When Stan got access to his birth and adoption records in his early twenties we were under the impression his mother's or his father's name was Bennett, he was Italian, Irish, German and Jewish, even though it said "Protestant" on the records. We figured that was just so that he'd be adopted easier. Stan and I went on for about 15 years thinking his mother was Catholic and his father was Jewish. This perhaps would explain for Stan's vast interest in all religions. After Stan found his birth mother, we found that she is not Catholic, but Protestant. His grandmother is mostly of English heritage, and his grandfather's family came from Sicily. And the name Bennett was a pseudonym. But we still thought his father would be German Jewish. But as we found out last night, he too is Protestant. The whole mystique of Stan being part Jewish...shattered. Too odd. His father said that people used to think he was Jewish. Stan thinks he was amused by that.

I was so excited by this...I couldn't sleep too well last night. But I do remember part of my dream...Yassir Arafat was in it, althought he didn't look like Yassir Arafat...he didn't even look like Ringo Starr. He was younger and he had lighter hair, in fact, he sort of looked like the character Jerry Divine from the movie Velvet Goldmine. I have no clue. Don't ask. Just a stupid dream. But what does Yassir Arafat in my dream have to do with Stan finding out his Dad was never Jewish? Seems like it sort of has some significance, huh?

Sometimes I feel so boring...I have no family, no weird hidden family secrets or complex familial interweaving or mysteries. It's just me and my parents. I must have hooked up with Stan as a way to live vicariously through someone with a family mystery. I've had fantasies when I was younger that I was orphaned and was brought into a new family. Maybe this is what I've yearned for, although not my own tale, it's as close as it can get, being my husband's. I also find it ironic that Stan's biological father's birthday is two days before mine and his biological mother's is three days after mine. It's as if in Stan's search for a mate, he was also searching for his birth parents. Is it ironic that Stan's birthday is diametrically opposed to my own father's? It's almost exactly six months to the day, as if in my search for a mate, I had to find someone the opposite of my dad.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 11:29 AM || link it email me



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Thursday, June 21, 2001

Good News: We found a waterbed mattress and mattress container to replace our old one. It's nice, and the new design is supposedly structured to alleviate that "hammock bed" syndrome that we're suffering from currently.

Bad News: The cost is more than we initially spent on the entire bed, headboard (which we haven't even USED yet because it won't fit up the stairs) and mattress. It eats up our entire tax refund, plus $150 extra. Geez.

Good News: It will fit in our van...no need to have them deliver it.

Bad News: They don't keep them in stock. Ours won't be in for a few weeks. We're not through with old hammock bed.

More Bad News: Just that much longer before we can move into the downstairs bedroom, which means that much longer before I can get a new computer. Meanwhile, this old one is crashing right and left. Aaaargh.

Why is it that waterbeds aren't as popular as they used to be? Am I showing my age, a product of the 70s and 80s? We didn't get our waterbed until 1987, but they were still pretty popular back then. I remember in high school, if you had a waterbed, you were really cool. I just had a dumb traditional mattress. Now it's really hard to find a waterbed unless you have a Big Sur store in town. Fortunately, we do. Several more weeks of sleeping on old hammock bed. I don't know what I want more...a new computer or a good night's sleep.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 4:23 PM || link it email me



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Tuesday, June 19, 2001

It's sad, and I don't want to make light of the losses, but isn't it ironic that a town called Siren suffers such demolition by a tornado due to dysfunctional...sirens?
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 9:13 AM || link it email me



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Monday, June 18, 2001

Weird dream this morning shortly before I woke up. I was driving in a city, either Madison or Milwaukee, but I suspect it was Milwaukee because it was larger. I was at an intersection and there was a tanker truck turning into the cross street in front of me. It looked like the driver didn't know how to drive as it barely was able to maneouver and practically hit the cars parked along the street. Then they backed up and another truck hauling a large trailer turned into the street. It was as if the tanker truck was testing it to see if the turn was maneouverable by the other truck. I think the light changed because I crossed the intersection, but noticed that the second truck lost its trailer when it made the turn, and the trailer started going down the street of its own accord, plowing into other objects. I was glad I was far enough away by then for it not to hit me and my car. It was quite a mess.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 10:01 AM || link it email me



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Sunday, June 17, 2001

Super disturbing dream. I think I was with my parents and we were going out to a Cajun restaurant (which is weird considering my parents don't like Cajun). We enter the restaurant which is sort of like a bar, sort of not, and all these people sitting at tables are staring at us. We sit ourselves down at a table and there is a group of women probably my age and younger that start talking about me and commenting on me. I don't know them so I turn around and ask what their problem is. They start being verbally confrontative toward me and one of them starts to take a swing at me but I intercept it. I remember seeing my dad, who is still wearing a hat indoors, put his head down on the table. I have no idea why these people in my dream are behaving as they are. Then later my parents have left, but these group of women, who I have sized up to be bully dyke types, come back and sit at the table with me and start harrassing me. It was horrible.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 8:42 AM || link it email me




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Copyright 1996-2001 Ann Stretton. All Rights Reserved. No part of this web log may be copied or reproduced, however text may be quoted if a link is given in return. Permission is not given under any circumstances to use any of the graphics or art on this site, however If you ask first, I may grant permission at my discretion. Please check the link above to my Ann-S-Thesia site for web graphics if that is what you need.