A Site of Beef by Ann-S-Thesia
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10/29/2000 - 11/04/2000
11/05/2000 - 11/11/2000
11/12/2000 - 11/18/2000
11/19/2000 - 11/25/2000
11/26/2000 - 12/02/2000
12/03/2000 - 12/09/2000
12/10/2000 - 12/16/2000
12/17/2000 - 12/23/2000
12/24/2000 - 12/30/2000
12/31/2000 - 01/06/2001
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01/28/2001 - 02/03/2001
02/04/2001 - 02/10/2001
02/11/2001 - 02/17/2001
02/18/2001 - 02/24/2001
02/25/2001 - 03/03/2001
03/04/2001 - 03/10/2001
03/11/2001 - 03/17/2001
03/18/2001 - 03/24/2001
03/25/2001 - 03/31/2001
04/01/2001 - 04/07/2001
04/08/2001 - 04/14/2001
04/15/2001 - 04/21/2001
04/22/2001 - 04/28/2001
04/29/2001 - 05/05/2001
05/06/2001 - 05/12/2001
05/13/2001 - 05/19/2001
05/20/2001 - 05/26/2001
05/27/2001 - 06/02/2001
06/03/2001 - 06/09/2001
06/10/2001 - 06/16/2001
06/17/2001 - 06/23/2001
06/24/2001 - 06/30/2001
07/01/2001 - 07/07/2001
07/08/2001 - 07/14/2001
07/15/2001 - 07/21/2001
07/22/2001 - 07/28/2001
07/29/2001 - 08/04/2001
08/05/2001 - 08/11/2001
08/12/2001 - 08/18/2001
08/19/2001 - 08/25/2001
08/26/2001 - 09/01/2001
09/02/2001 - 09/08/2001
09/09/2001 - 09/15/2001
09/16/2001 - 09/22/2001
09/23/2001 - 09/29/2001
09/30/2001 - 10/06/2001
10/14/2001 - 10/20/2001
10/21/2001 - 10/27/2001
10/28/2001 - 11/03/2001
11/04/2001 - 11/10/2001
11/11/2001 - 11/17/2001
11/18/2001 - 11/24/2001
11/25/2001 - 12/01/2001
12/02/2001 - 12/08/2001
12/09/2001 - 12/15/2001
12/16/2001 - 12/22/2001
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Saturday, October 20, 2001

Weird dream. In real life, I was listening to the radio this morning; they were having a pledge drive. In my dream, I dreamt I was being forced to be part of the pledge drive and announce the number to call. For some reason, I couldn't remember the phone number, so it was painful for me to do it. I remember breathing heavily as I was under stress. I remember seeing people in a room and was totally panicked and they didn't understand what was wrong with me.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 10:14 AM || link it email me



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Thursday, October 18, 2001

This very long journal entry, mostly dreams, is from the time I was on vacation. Although there was a break between 9.24.01 and 9.30.01 when we were back in Wisconsin shortly, I decided Iíd treat the whole time as a vacation.

The following I dreamt while we were staying at Stanís biological dadís house in Kansas.

9.22.01. Strange dream. I forgot where we were, but Tim was there and there were a bunch of other people. There were a few guys dressed up as women that were kissing other guys. There were also some young women there, teenage punk-wannabes (that knew nothing about punk) Jerry Springer types with body piercings and colorful hair. They were rather obnoxious. I remember seeing them riding around as passengers in handsome cabs. Tim did not look like himself; he was not healthy looking and mentioned something about having crack in his home. I was thinking that I did not want to hang around these people.

---

Heading down Iowaís I-35 in the early evening on Thursday, a national weather service tornado warning came over the radio. Now a tornado warning is scary enough when youíre at home and you know the counties and locations theyíre issuing them for. But when youíre travelling and you donít know where you are in respect to the counties of that state, itís even scarier. Yet even more scary, is when you decipher the synthesized accent of the voice on the radio, look at a road atlas, and realize...you are heading directly toward the tornado warning area. We decided to get off the highway and head in the opposite direction. As we exited the interstate, we entered Madison County, the famous Madison County, Iowa, with the covered bridges. We only saw one covered bridge though, one that greeted us as we entered the tiny town of St. Charles. Signs on the road also directed us to the birthplace of noneother than Marion Robert Morrison, aka, John Wayne. Yes, John Wayne weaves himself into our lives yet again. We were married in front of a statue of John Wayne at the Justice of the Peace in Fort Collins. Needless to say, the judgeís taste in decoration was not our style, however he said that if we stood in that spot in front of the Duke, we would not get divorced. No one thatís stood in that spot had ever gotten divorced, according to him, but those who refused to stand there, had gotten divorced. Weird. So in Winterset, Iowa, Stan and I photographed ourselves in front of John Wayneís birthplace, a simple little one-story house. I donít know if they have tours there or what...we didnít have that much time. To add to the weirdness, as soon as we got a hotel room in LIncoln, NE coming home the following Sunday, the first thing we saw on the tv was a John Wayne movie. I donít even care for John Wayne...donít know why his image has decided to haunt us.

----

The following dream I had while staying in a hotel in Lincoln, Nebraska. Lincoln has the best coffee shop in the world, I think itís called ďThe CoffeehouseĒ in the thirteenth block of P street. When we go west, we try to stay in Lincoln if possible so that we can get coffee in the evening and coffee in the morning to go.

9.24.01. Another strange dream, very collage-like. I was in a line with some other people waiting for something. I have no idea what we were doing. Then I remember looking at a movie or something but it looked like a snowglobe. Inside of it was a pig or a dog, I do not know which, that was diving below water to save a human or something. For some reason, this caused me to wake up crying.

----

Sunday afternoon while we stopped at a rest-stop outside of Lincoln, NE on I-80, I saw an older man with an extremely tiny dog. I walked up to him, smiling, looking at the dog, and and asked him if it was a puppy. He ignored me, started walking away, so I asked louder a second time. ďEleven and a half years.Ē he said, after asking the usual initial hard of hearing response, ďHuh?Ē He was such a curmudgeon, and then handed the dog off to another man, probably a travelling companion, and walked away. You know, Iím really tired of reaching out and being friendly to people when I only get a scroogelike response in return. It really wears one down.

----

This was dreamt in the same hotel in Lincoln, NE, except the previous dream was dreamt coming back from Kansas, and this dream was dreamt going out to Colorado. Like Iím sure I mentioned earlier, we wouldíve preferred to make this all one trip, go out to Kansas City, MO to meet Stanís half sister and then his birth dad in central Kansas, and then to Colorado from there, but Stanís employer screwed up that plan. We had to go back to Madison so that Stan could work four days. Oh joy. Anyway, it seemed to work out well since we boarded the dogs for the first trip because it was only a few days and we could afford that. Iím not sure how his ďnew relativesĒ wouldíve reacted to our dogs...it probably wouldíve been too stressfull for us all. We took the dogs on the trip out to Colorado (too expensive to board them for that long a time). They had a great time except for the fact that they hate my dad and my dad hates them. I wish I had a different father. Everyone else that they met for the first time they absolutely loved. Plato just has to get warmed up to them...but he never warmed up to my dad. I think he knows he hates him.

10.2.01. Disturbing dream. Stan and I went to some restaurant...it was like Stan knew the cook there. We were going to order breakfast, but for some reason, there was nothing on the menu that I could eat or wanted to eat, despite that we had ordered from them before. I didnít want to order nothing, so I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu which happened to be some candy, and then suggested to Stan that we go somewhere else afterwards so that I could order my breakfast there. Stan advised I shouldnít eat the candy because I hadnít eaten anything else that day. I didnít know what to do. Then Stan and I found ourselves in an old building, like a university building. There was a guy there that told us about a piano that had caught fire. There was all this old stuff around, like it was an antique museum or something. There was an old Ford automobile...the very old fashioned black kind. I donít know why, but I wanted to drive it. I got in the driverís seat, but couldnít see over the hood. The driving wheel was more like handles on a mountain bike. It was too low and close to the seat, so I could barely fit my thighs beneath it. It was surreal. I told whoever it was that was in charge that I couldnít drive the thing, so they raised the wheel/handle so it was really high. I told them Iíd need to sit on phone books or something now, and then I probably couldnít reach the pedals. Then Stan and I went back into the building in search of the burned-out piano. We found it...it was like an old player piano, and an interior part was the thing that had been affected by fires. The guy that had told us about it wondered what we were doing snooping around the room. Then he told us our pug, Hieronymus, was breathing erratically. I went to the room he was in and saw Hieronymus having breathing problems. He lied down on his side like the way Natasha our cat did before she died. I woke up...I didnít want to the dream to progress.

----

For some reason, I didnít dream at all while I stayed at my parentís house. I sleep on a rollaway cot in their living room. It is not comfortable, although that corrougated foam pad they put on at my request (I was getting a bedspring poking into my ribs...Iíd surely be bruised in the morning) seemed to help some. I wonder if it is because Stan had to sleep in another room on a single bed. They donít have a lot of room/beds/places for people to stay. Maybe his presence, regardless if weíre in the same bed or not stimulates my dream mechanism. We get separate beds in motels/hotels if all they have are doubles or sometimes even queens...weíre spoiled on our king at home. I suspect itís the unease and uncomfort I feel while Iím there that causes me not to get into deep dream sleep.

I dreamt the following dreams while we were in Montrose, CO staying with Stanís adopted mom and aunt.

10.8.01. Pretty wild dream. I was with Stan and a friend of ours that we just saw in Ft. Collins this past week. There was also another woman there, but she was just passing by and it was no one that either of us knew...she was just created for the dream. She was sort of Italian-looking, pretty with long hair and a large bustline. Our male friend made some sort of remark...not vulgar, but implying that he was interested in her. I was EXTREMELEY jealous. Then I woke up and pondered over the dream, and when I went back to sleep, I think I went back into the same dream, as I was still in Fort Collins. Now I was near the south-end of town, near the Foothills Fashion Mall (ick). I said something to Stan about it being impossible to ride a bike in this town, unlike the way it was when I lived there. Then we were standing on a hill, around the area where Pelican Fish is, but it was vacant...no buildings or businesses or roads. I looked into the western sky and saw the most incredible rainbow. Black grey clouds seemed to billow out of the rainbow, but the rainbow itself was reddish in color, not multi-colored. There were strange patterns in it, and it was very Brycean (metacreations software). Then the patterns in the rainbow were constantly mutating and reformulating and eventually turned into bat motifs, like something I wouldíve painted or drawn in 1983/4. I kept yelling at Stan, ďLook at the bats!Ē It was pretty incredible. I also remember something about the apartment/house we rented when we first moved to Madison, but I canít remember that.


----

So I have this dream about a rainbow, albeit a strange red rainbow, and weíre driving back from Grand Junction to Montrose this afternoon and I see a rainbow. Sort of weird...itís been a long time since Iíve seen a rainbow.


----

10.9.01

Highly disturbing dreams.

Dream 1: For some reason, Stan was supposed to take a plane trip somewhere. We were getting ready, I was helping him pack and everything, but it was getting late, about the time he should be leaving. I kept telling him that he should leave because with new security, he needs to be at the airport a few hours before his plane leaves. He kept putting it off, and finally it was past the time where the plane was supposed to take off and we still hadnít left the house yet. I figured he just plain didnít want to leave.

Dream 2: I was with some people who were eating at a table...I donít know if this was part of the previous dream or the next dream, or a dream unto itself. We were laughing and joking and eating, but suddenly there was this woman on top of me holding me down and telling me information as if she was my doctor or something. I wanted her to leave, as she didnít seem like a doctor but more as a gross bull dyke dominatrix. Ick.

Dream 3: I had to or decided to go to a health clinic for some reason to get a shot or something. There was a very long line of people there, but by the time I got there, many of them had already gone into the building they had to go into. Most of the people standing in line were young, around high-school age, so I felt extremely out of place. I was also alone...many there were standing with friends, so there were all these conversations going on and I felt very out of it. Then as the line starts moving, it appears that Iím losing my place and Iím now surrounded by very hostile people. Some of them threaten me with large objects like chairs. Then there is some incident, and a security guard/policewoman that is in the line lets off a gunshot. Then thereís this freeforall and people start running into the building where theyíre giving out the vaccinations. Itís sort of an obstacle course...first we have to run outside and through another building, and then outside another door and then into another building to get to our final destination. As Iím running outside the first area, I am alone, and think itís great that itís not crowded. Then I get into the first building where people are going through a winding stairway or aisle, and I notice that theyíre ducking as they are doing that. I think thatís odd, but I decide to duck too. Then I hear gunshots again, and I look out the window on the door that weíre supposed to exit next and see a man armed with a machine gun shooting at everyone. I duck so that he cannot see me through the door, but then I wake up out of sheer fright.

---

10.10.01

Crazy jumbled dreams. I was with Stan and some of his relatives. I think we were driving around, and Stan started getting mad at his aunt, accusing her of things she had nothing to do with, like our animals getting sick or something. I was really mad that Stan would do this and kept telling him to shut up, but he kept going on. Then I was stern and told him to get out of the car. For some odd reason, he was wearing a gold lame backless womenís bathing suit, and making him get out of the car in such attire and walk home by himself, without shoes even, seemed especially cruel of me. When I told him to get out, I used the ďfĒ word, and after we had left him behind, his aunt was saying something to me and I couldnít figure out whether she was thanking me for putting a stop to Stanís accusations, or whether she was mad at me for cussing, or both. After we got to our destination, which I think might have been the art building at CSU (but Iím not positive of that), I started to worry about Stan getting back without getting beat up. I was sitting in one of the art history classrooms in that building, but it was transformed more into a restaurant or bar. There were a bunch of people there that I had been sitting with, but after I went to look to see if I could find Stan, they didnít want me to be with them anymore, at least they didnít seem friendly as they used to be. I had to take a bunch of ďfamilyĒ pictures with a bunch of these people. I was also walking around some place, which I think was Racine, WI (I sure get around in these dreams) looking at old buildings. Now Iím starting to have dreams about the ďRacine that doesnít existĒ not just the ďFort Collins that doesnít exist.Ē Finally Stan returned after walking a long distance and I asked him if he was OK. He said people stared a lot, but no one bothered him. Then I was at another place...it was darker and at night and there were these people waiting on us but it wasnít a restaurant. I donít know what it was. Then the people waiting on us started to get out a bunch of tennis balls and threw them at us. I didnít know whether to take this as an antagonistic act, but then I started throwing the tennis balls back at them and it simply turned into a game of catch.

----

10.11.01

I had a jumble of dreams, but the only part I really remember was that I had a bunch of those cottony plant sucking insects all over my left arm and I was itching like hell. I woke up making a bunch of noise and Stan told me to shut up and go to sleep but he didnít understand that I had woken from a bad dream.

Back in Fort Collins, I actually started to have dreams again.

10.12.01

Confusing mixed up dream. There were a lot of parts to it that I canít put together in any cohesive plot. I do remember I was with people I knew, I remember my grandmotherís house in Racine, and also I remember being at a small bar or club and listening to bands. I canít remember if Stan or Tim was there, but I do know my friend X was there and I donít want to say his name in case he reads this. I donít remember the order in which these things happened, but I remember watching a band on stage and when it was over, a friend I was with (forgot who) wanted to talk to them backstage. I show him where the entrance was. Then I donít know if itís part of the same dream or not, but I remember people being interrogated by the authorities, and I think friend X was being interrogated too. Everyone was not cooperating, and the authorities started to spray them down with water. X got wet and I felt bad for him. He was acting strangely...I went over and started to carress him. I donít know if I confessed to him that Iíve always liked him (of course Iíve always liked him, but I mean LIKED him), but we start to make out. Iím making him to kiss my breasts. I look down at my body and Iím wearing some weird leotard outfit that Iíd never wear and my body looked like it did when I was 28 or so.

----

10.13.01

Dream: Stan and I were travelling in the mountains, I think possibly with some other people. It was a really confusing, and I canít remember all that happened in a cohesive storyline, but I do remember various snippets: I was watching some Nirvana cover band. My mom was asking me about Kurt Cobain and I told her he was a real sweetie. I was looking at my scalp and noticed these bizarre moles that stood up like some rock outcroppings in the mountains...really freaky. I wondered if they were cancerous. I looked at them again and they looked like caterpillars standing on end. We were walking in the mountains and there was a lake or river or something were people were canoeing. We start to walk out onto a pier and then the pier drops off suddenly without warning. There are people stranded on sandbars in the water and I donít know how they are going to get back on land. Iím walking home in the rain...home is my grandmotherís house in Racine. (she is long gone) Stan and my mom are there...I can hear them inside talking. Iím trying to find my keys inside my purse and then Stan opens the back door for me, but instead of it being in the back of the house it is on the side by the street.

----

10.14.01

Another disturbing dream where I canít recall the correct sequence of events, nonetheless it was very vivid and frightening. I was riding around in a car with weird clothes from the 70s and there was this other car next to us with slut girls, or maybe the people I was in the car with were slut girls...I canít recall. All I remember was that we were wearing high boots and long nails. This was taking place in a mountain town like Glenwood Springs or something similar. I looked out the window and saw this strange object in the sky which was shaped something like The Beatlesí Yellow Submarine, except it wasnítyellow, it was red, white and blue. It was sort of wild to see a submarine of sorts floating in the air...this one looked sort of old and run down, like panels were missing or something. Then I saw a red and white airplane that looked sort of official flying next to the submarine, and then I realized that the submarine might be a suspicious vehicle in the air, and it might get shot down. Then there are other vehicles that start to appear in the air, all kinds of autos like trucks, busses, cars, etc. I think one of the planes fired something at the submarine, and I canít remember whether it exploded or what, but suddenly the mountainside was filled with weird smoke, like rows of smoke with lighter brown smoke on top...really hard to explain. I think I either woke up after that or I went into another dream....I canít remember. Another dream I had last night was that I was inside a room on campus or something and most of the other people were black, so I assumed it was some sort of a minority conference or something...I assumed the reason I was there was because someone thought I am a minority of sorts (which I am, by certain criteria). I remember seeing a couple of black men and they were both missing their left arms. I thought that odd. Then it was like the room turned into a theatre, and I was there with Stan, but he was acting strange. We wanted to get a seat near the screen because tall men kept sitting in front of us. Stan went down to the front row and saved a seat for me, and then he left and turned into a disturbing friend from high school. Then I was in a restroom and I accidentally got toilet bowl cleaner on my hands, and then ended up getting it in my mouth. My mouth started to feel really dry and then I panicked because I felt like I was being poisoned. I read the label on the cleaner to see what sort of antidote I needed to take, but it referred me to another source that was ďgem coded.Ē I had no idea what to do, but my mouth was starting to pucker up. I looked in the mirror and my lips were literally sinking inside my mouth like I was an old lady.
posted by Ann-S-Thesia at 12:10 PM || link it email me




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Copyright 1996-2001 Ann Stretton. All Rights Reserved. No part of this web log may be copied or reproduced, however text may be quoted if a link is given in return. Permission is not given under any circumstances to use any of the graphics or art on this site, however If you ask first, I may grant permission at my discretion. Please check the link above to my Ann-S-Thesia site for web graphics if that is what you need.